Monday, 18 April 2011

The hardest person to say sorry to is yourself...

Hey bloggers,

Are you one of these people who hate to say the word 'sorry'?  Maybe you hate to say it because you are admitting defeat?  Maybe because you believe you've not done anything wrong?  Maybe because your too caught up in your emotions?

'The hardest person to say sorry to is yourself but if you can do it, it is easier to say sorry to others.'

Sometimes, acceptance that we are wrong in situations is very hard to find.  Especially when your intelligence is highly regarded and someone else is correcting you.  In situations like this, we tend to feel embarrassment and therefore take it out on everyone else.  We may decide to bring up a time the other person was wrong to change the topic or, we may unleash a secret or piece of information that will embarrass them.  This can then escalate into further troubles whereby you are clearly in the wrong.

Depending on the type of person you are, you may decide to storm off from the situation and leave the troubles at loose ends - all untied.  Therefore, everyone is annoyed at you and maybe waiting on your apology.  However, in turn, you are waiting on theirs for perhaps the use of tone they addressed you with.  Stale mate; no one is going to make the first move.

No matter what you think of the situation, you have to step out of the picture.  I actually like to write down the events and try to see who is at fault.  Though, I will admit, this is not always the most effective method because the way you say something and the way you think you have said something is different.  Again we are stuck.  We maybe wishing we'd just not had the conversation or even wishing that we would just never ever have to see this person again.

The first person you need to apologize to is yourself.  You are the one who got yourself into this mess so you need to apologize to yourself!  This means you are accepting the blame and therefore makes it easier to openly accept the blame - common sense, maybe but people like things like this pointed out.  In situations like these, we do not apologize because we feel as though we will be admitting defeat, but really it is nothing like that.  You are in fact allowing yourself to be enriched with new knowledge.  You are allowing yourself to overwrite an old, out-dated fact and replace it with something new and correct.  So in turn, the person has helped you.  Turn the situation on its head, make it positive.  You should be thanking them for putting you right; then the apology may just come naturally.  Also, nine times out of ten, the other member will apologize too as they feel bad.

I try to divert from these sorts of situations escalating.  When having a conversation with someone, and I bring up something that they bark down, I feel very small - like most people.  However, instead of going off the deep end, I will just laugh the situation off.  A seemingly odd thing to do, but it does work.  Then I actually take their criticism as a good thing.  For example, a friend the other day corrected me on something and then I laughed it off and he said 'for someone so clever, you do say some silly things'.  Despite the fact I still didn't fully like what he said, I just took the first bit onboard as a compliment and followed with a slight laugh.

Also, the beginning scenario showed someone 'taking it out' on others in a bad way.  Though you can 'take it out' on others in a good way.  For example: I have already mentioned laughing it off; you may choose to compliment the person and you may get one in return; or you may decide to just say 'oh sorry, got that one painfully wrong.  Thanks for correcting me.'  They would then have got the satisfaction of knowing they are right and will not want anymore.

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