Are you the type of person who wields control? Do you love the idea of being able to stand on your own two feet? Or do you like to have that one person in life you can confide in and aid you in your decision process?
‘Single and independent, or happily married and reliant - which would you rather be?
In life, no matter what, we all have to subject ourselves to some form of relationship. Weather it is professional or personal, we all need them to function. Though, to what extent do we actually need them? To what extent are they good for us? To what extent do we lose control?
I am pretty biased on this topic though; I will try to deliver both sides of the argument fairly. First, ‘single and independent’, is my preferred choice at this stage in life. What makes that idea so attractive to me and other people? Surely it is better to be able to open yourself up and spill out your entire problems onto other people? Well, I think of it like this: our mind is a locker and, by default, only we have the key to it. Though, by being in a relationship or by opening up to someone, you are giving them the key to your locker – trusting them with some of the most important structures in your life! Fine, that person might be okay with having the key but, what happens if you tell the kind, caring friend who thinks they can help by getting another person involved? Getting someone else to talk to you? Your friend does the equivalent to giving them a copy of the key. This is where control is now lost. There isn’t any other locker you can move your belongings to either, this is your only locker and now more and more people are gaining access to it. So, what happens now? Do you now lie to your friend and tell them nothing was really wrong and try to mask what you have told them as a way of finding out more about them? And do you then triple lock your locker and never allow anyone in ever again? Or do you do the complete opposite and just be completely open with everyone? You have many more choices and many more possible outcomes.
So, the second side of the argument, happily married and reliant. It is possible to have a happily married couple but, what makes them so happy? Well, I believe that perhaps these people to begin with were pretty open people. Or perhaps they weren’t but, they are at least very open with one and other. So, as they have shared most of their secrets, they actually might as well share the same locker – they share the key to each other’s minds. Though, with this sort of openness comes a great amount of reliability. They are now both dependant on each other whilst the locker is truly shared. So, they need to consult one and other before removing anything from the locker or adding anything. This could either damage or make their decision making process more rational. If two people are involved in one decision, the pros and cons will be discussed and a decision may be made in a less biased manner. It is also a possibility that the two will not be able to made confident decisions without one and other. Which do you think?
At the end of the day, I think the level of commitment and time one is prepared to put into a relationship just reflects their personality. I am not saying this is a given but, perhaps it is more likely that people who are more open are the ones to make better partners than those of us who are closed off and introvert – to again, an extent. Let me know your feelings on the topic in the comments below and follow me here or on twitter@
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